You Never Know How Strong You Are…

Things went quickly downhill for me towards the end of 2012. As I was trying to navigate my way through a divorce and reluctantly accept help from people (to of course prove I didn’t need a man and I could do this on my own) I experienced a bad injury. Let’s just say, the boat outmuscled me. And having grown up on the water I should have known not to stick a limb out of the boat while docking. But as we cruised in and it looked like we were going to hit that dock pretty hard I thought I could lessen the impact a little bit by pushing back off the dock. With somewhat clouded judgment due to daytime drinking on the boat I totally misplaced my foot and had it crushed between the boat and the dock. Not to set off any alarms and scare my kids I didn’t tell anyone what was happening as I tried to pull my leg back on the boat while it was still being crushed. Once we were safely tied up I hopped off the boat and bought it to my friend’s attention that there was seriously something wrong. The tears rolled down, the throbbing took over and the swelling began. It was the most severe pain I had felt in a long time and with no hospital in close proximity and to not ruin anybody’s weekend I tried to grin and bear it, as I downed numerous adult beverages to numb the discomfort and thankfully I started feeling no pain! Until about 5 am the next morning when everything wore off and my misery became apparent again. After what seemed like a 10 hour drive home, my hero, my Daddy came to my rescue and carted me off to the hospital. We all know how emergency room visits go and finally after 5 hours I was sent home in a soft cast with crutches and instructions to see an orthopedist. No break, just a really bad crushing sprain. I was going to be out for the count for a few weeks and these were some of the hardest weeks of my life.  I couldn’t drive, I couldn’t put weight on my foot, I was on crutches and I lived in a second floor apartment with two kids by myself. It was the most challenging time for me as a mother and I could not have gotten through those weeks without my parents. Especially my Dad! So my days of working out were over and this would be the longest break from it I would ever have to take. On top of this, during the last few months of 2012 after my injury, my kids and I were displaced by Hurricane Sandy for five weeks and living at my parent’s and in hotels. I cannot complain nor does my situation compare to what others went through but it was tough. Once we were finally back home my father got sick so I was spending numerous hours at the hospital on top of rehabbing my ankle injury and trying to get back to some kind of normal after Sandy. I had at one point hoped that the New Year would be a fresh start for me but my world came crashing down when six days into 2013 my Dad lost his battle with COPD and my whole world changed. Every day was a struggle. I felt like I had this black cloud following me around for the last couple of months that just wouldn’t go away. But I was not going to be defeated. This time in my life and what it taught me about myself is the reason why I have “You never know how strong you are, until being strong is the only choice you have” tattooed on my arm. I picked myself up, brushed myself off and kept on moving. Finally, in July of 2013 when my ankle was healed and life was starting to slow down a bit I made the decision to join another gym. It felt so good to be back doing what I love and I haven’t looked back since then. I’m still a member at the same gym, I get there when I can, I work it into my schedule when it fits and it is nowhere near my five day a week regimen of 2009. Sometimes I’m ok with that and sometimes I’m not! But it is what it is and exercising cannot take priority in my life right now, I have two little ones who do! So I do what I can and always hope that I can maybe get back to THAT BODY! Life gets in the way a lot and I’m no longer a 30 year old stay at home mom. But I’m motivated and it is my mission by next summer to look that good again. I know, I know I’m not fat and people would die for the body I have now but it’s not the one I want. I’m happy with it and if I looked like this the rest of my life I would be blessed but it’s not quite good enough and I won’t settle for that.  Motivation is the key to success when it comes to health and fitness, along with knowledge, determination and discipline. So time to stop making excuses!

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